Madonna Foorumi - Finland

STOP THE MADGE-NESS
Are you a Type A know-it-all nuisance?
Learn the 5 danger signs

By JOE DZIEMIANOWICZ and REBECCA LOUIE

Are you a victim of Madgefication?

You may not see the symptoms in yourself - perhaps your best friend has been performing yoga headstands at parties, or your boss wore leggings to work yesterday - but Madonna is the poster woman for chronic overachievement, and she's not alone.

The 47-year-old superstar always has to aim higher. Case in point: Tickets for her "Confessions" tour go on sale this morning, at prices upward of $384.50.

Her insatiable drive for pefection sets an impossible standard for millions of women who try to emulate her. The fitness freak has forged herself into a leotard-worthy woman with more sinew than Seabiscuit. This mama does preach, acting like a British rose who writes her own kids' books and just says no to TV ("It's trash!" she scoffs). The soul-searcher has studied kabbala, yoga and guitar with a zeal that would make Mother Teresa look like a slacker.

Many women suffer from Madonna Syndrome - it's why they're no fun to be around and their friends are hanging up on them. Think you've caught Madge Cow Disease? Check your vitals - and take the cure.

Sign 1:
YOU'VE GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT

At first, Madonna defied the status quo. She was rude. Crude. Nude. We liked that about her. But now she's intent on teaching the world. Kabbala's mysticism has changed her life and she won't shut up about it. The yoga Yoda literally bends over backward to let you know there's no place like om. She's also Mother Superior when it comes to raising kids; she has even written children's books to bless our own kids with her smarts.

YOU'VE GOT IT IF: At cocktail parties you bug friends to sign petitions, join protests and donate dough to your fave causes. Since taking up yoga you've been ending staff meetings by saying "Namaste" to remind everyone that you do a mean downward dog. You insist on playing the guitar for your kids' play group - after reading them wise words you've published yourself. P.S.: You illustrated them, too.

THE FIX: "There are many ways to practice spiritually, mentally and physically," says Shifu Shi Yan Ming, a 34th generation Shaolin Temple Monk and founder of the USA Shaolin Temple in Manhattan. "You cannot always be saying you are the best. You cannot be bossy like that. You have to respect yourself and respect others."

Sign 2:
YOU'RE DESPERATELY SEEKING THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH

Leotards, feathered hair, fishnet stockings ... Why does the Material Mom often look more like the Material Mall Rat? Lately, she has ditched her uptight British schoolmarm threads for looks more appropriate for her 9-year-old daughter, Lourdes.

YOU'VE GOT IT IF: You turn to your 'tween for fashion cues. Delia's is your favorite catalogue and you think, at 50, that you're still Forever 21.

THE FIX: "Sometimes women lose their minds about how to hold on to their youth, and wear things that are perfect for high-schoolers," says Brenda Kinsel, author of "40 Over 40: 40 Things Every Woman Over 40 Needs to Know About Getting Dressed." "To do that in your 40s is being out of step with your womanhood. Embrace trends, but instead of wearing leggings the way the high-school kids are doing it, tap into the long-necklace trend or wear the hot colors in ahandbag or shoe."

Sign 3:
YOU ARE SUPERCOMPETITIVE - AT EVERYTHING

Keep up with the Joneses? Madonna crushes the Joneses (with thighs like hers - see "You run yourself into the ground" - she probably could.) A Napoleon complex in tights and a Danskin, she's got to be number one, and in the process treats others like number two. Guests at her CD-release party in London had to circle her as she danced. Get into the groove, people. Just don't get in my way.

YOU'VE GOT IT IF: Girlfriends call you up with broken hearts and busted jobs, and you just brag about your promotion and super-hot-rich-sexy love slaves. She just gained 5 pounds? Bummer, fatty. You just dropped 10.

THE FIX: "The problem is that this is all about me, me, me, says relationship expert Gilda Carle. "You've got to invert the 'm' if you want to keep people in your life. Make it we, we, we."

Sign 4:
YOU RUN YOURSELF INTO THE GROUND

At 47, Madonna's buff bod looks 30 years younger. And it doesn't come easy. She works her in-office step machine while taking calls. Her reported daily routine takes at least three hours and includes Ashtanga yoga and Pilates. Her day ends with a dose of karate, swimming, pumping iron, running, cycling or horse-riding, which she credits for her thighs that could crack walnuts - watch out, Guy.

YOU'VE GOT IT IF: You see more of your trainer than your husband and kids. Trade a PTA meeting for Pilates and wonder if little Timmy will notice? He will.

THE FIX: "A common misconception is that if a little exercise is good, then more is better," says Bonne Marano, author of "The Complete Bride's Workout Guide." "This is not always the case. Rest is essential in an exercise program. The body has its limits. Know the difference between 'feeling the burn' and 'burning out.'"

Sign 5:
YOU HAVE TO BE FIRST (EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT)

Madonna's a trendsetter who has stayed ahead of the pack by mining subcultures for their potential pop power. Vogueing was an underground art before she struck a pose. She bragged about her slow courtship with a younger man before Demi and Ashton ever thought of it. Did you notice people wearing red threads on their wrists before Madge started studying kabbala? We think not.

YOU'VE GOT IT IF: You want to take credit for everything cool. You hit hipster hangouts and read random 'zines to keep your edge sharp. You crash early movie screenings, then bash or boost the flicks to your friends. That hot spring bag? You slept with the showroom director to get it last fall.

THE FIX: Let go. "Don't feel you have to go to the trendiest place every Friday night," says Kate White, Cosmopolitan editor in chief. "Go where the wind takes you. The more time you can build into your life where you allow yourself to let go, the more it allows you to relax in other areas."

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